My Ego is a Monster
My 108 hour water fast summary blog (after I posted this, I realized the date. Today I embark on a new Me…I did the same thing 14 years ago on January 15, 2008 when I joined the US Navy. Coincidence?)
That was an experience. A healthy alteration of consciousness. I have been doing periodic fasts over the last year, and it seems my body was prepared for this journey. The first day is always a lot easier than one might imagine. The second day I was feeling it, but I was still able to complete normal tasks. The third day I felt like a new person entirely, my mental energy and mind/body clarity (feeling “light”). The fourth day wasn’t as good as the third day, and I was totally done by the end of the day.
The fourth day was special, as it was my son’s birthday party. So on this fourth day of fasting I made a Devil’s food chocolate cake, cookies for his school class, and taco night for our neighbors and their two little boys. Everything was good until the sun started going down (more to note on this later), and the neighbors arrived.
A lot of what I learned is how reliant my brain can be on carbs. Healthy fats are the best source for energy, so when I went into ketosis, that is the reason why I started feeling so good. The mind and body simply work in the optimal range on fats. I know if I keep the carbs out for a few more days, I am going to see this in the physical sense. The mind was totally fine (for the most part). First though, BRING ME ALL THE MEAT(no pork) AND FISHES and BUTTER and OLIVE OIL!
Here are some of the things humans need lots of energy for and may not realize it: interacting with other human beings, communicating, listening, and comprehension. I also learned that we need ample energy to be efficient parents. You won’t go doing any serious exercise on a fast, but you can go for walks and low key exercise. I also found out that singing is an exercise and requires energy (breathing).
The third day was so wild and interesting that I pushed myself into the fourth day. Each day brought new insights into myself. I was becoming highly attuned to spirit, and I have reconnected my relationship with Christ. I believe He was the one guiding me all along. He helped me to refocus my efforts and remind me of why I am here. But he also helped me to look once again, in the mirror, the final glance I needed and I didn’t receive this precious insight (and wouldn’t have if not for 4) until I woke up this morning.
My Ego IS a Monster. The Devil is ME. But I am not simply my ego, I am also Spirit incarnate. The ego is the identity we craft when our spirit enters the material world. The material world is a world of illusion, ruled by the dark forces, the opposition of the Light. Your ego, no matter how good you may think you are, will become darkened, soured in this plane of existence. The influences in the Modern world are just too many, and I was born into the Modern world, the darkest period of all. The desire of the dark forces is to keep your Spirit away from this material world, because once you embody your True nature and you find your True calling, you become a Sword of Light. Our purpose here is to embody who we actually ARE, to bring forth our unique Spirit of Light into this dark world here, and we were crafted by a loving God for this exact purpose.
I found myself wanting to wield scripture at people. I found myself wanting to tell some people that they are doing things wrong, and here is the way. I found myself wanting to impinge on others’ free will. I wanted to use all my knowledge (of which I have gathered quite a bit over the years of books) to convince others of the world, as I see it. “Few, if anyone, will ever see the world through your eyes”. We aren’t here to preach at others or to sway them into our little world. I am here to embody Spirit, to keep the Ego in check every day by monitoring thoughts, actions, and words, and by daily example this will lead if there needs to be leading. I say this because I know somewhere in my Spirit is a leader itching to get out into this shadowed reality and wield its sword of light. Perhaps others feel this way too.
In conclusion I want to note something particular about the glorious sun in the sky. My energy, while fasting, moved with the sun. It is an interesting thing to realize. When the sun went down, so did I, and in the early mornings I was fuzzy. The human is Sunlight embodied, we are Children of the Light, and you will find this if you look deep enough into the natural sciences. In other words, we are already THE LIGHT, we were born that way, and this world has darkened us all with its powers. All we have to do is remember………
As Werner Heisenberg once said “The first gulp from the glass of natural sciences will turn you into an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you.”